Bam! Double kick! Five Punches!
These are all moves in the movie I was watching on the television. It was a two hour premier, and I loved spy flicks.
"Angie!" said my mom from downstairs.
"What!" I said.
"I need you to walk Buster, Duster, and Mimi." Those were my three dogs.
"Okay," I said. I walked down the three flights of stairs, got all three dog leashes, and went to get three dogs. I walked down the stone path.
Suddenly the dogs took off running. I was screaming my butt off, but sadly all the servants were on caviar break so no one could come to my rescue. As soon as Buster stopped, Mimi and Buster stopped. And then the weirdest thing happened (besides dancing at the school prom with Fartsy Martsy, who didn't get that name for nothing). Anyway, as soon as I caught my breath I walked very slowly with the dogs beacuse I didn't want them to think I wanted them to run. And then another weird thing happened. A guy about eighteen (he's only one year older than I am) popped out of a tree, fell, and got up.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi," I said back.
"Umm, oh yeah, I am Jeff from the FBI. I have come to tell you that we would be honored to bring you to the FBI to fight on..."
"Wait, wait, wait, did you just say FBI?" I said.
"Uh, yeah," Jeff said.
"What, I can't leave.... Oh, I get it, you're a prankster from KFC Buffalo Wings, right?"
"No, I'm from the FBI," he yelled.
"Okay, okay, I believe you, so I'll go with you to the FBI," I said sarcastically.
So I walked with Jeff all the way to the white "FBI" car. While we were getting in the car I screamed. "Ahhhhh! What was that?" I said, panting.
"Oh," said Jeff. "That's just Max, my pet rat, and my pet tucan, Tulula. They like to scurry around the car floor."
The car wasn't exactly exciting. It had the regular two cup holders and its front seats could recline. The only really interesting thing was it had a doggy door for Max and Tulula on the dashboard. It had a hula girl with an Impeach Bush t-shirt on, and on the bumper it had a bumper sticker that said "Will brake for cake" and a smiley face. But it still wasn't that great.
"So," I said, "I like your hula girl."
"Thanks," he said shyly.
Suddenly I started to jerk all over the place.
"Hey, are you okay, uh, Angie?" he asked.
I stopped jerking and just stared out through the window and then looked at him. "I think Max is crawling up my leg," I said, shaking.
"Uh, okay, I really don't want to reach into your pants and get him, so you're on your own," he said.
"What? I have a rat in my pants and you can't lure him out with food or something!?" I yelled. So I got out of the car at a red light and started to shake my butt like crazy, to the left, to the right, and then I noticed that every single person was watching. There was even a bichon puppy that stopped going to the bathroom on a fire hydrant to stare at me.
"Hey, get in the car!" Jeff yelled. "It's almost a green light!" he yelled again.
So I got back in the car. The bichon started to back a lot, and then we took off so fast the hula girl's head popped off and flew out the window and hit the bichon smack on the nose. The bichon let out a squeak and put his paws over his head.
"So, what does your mom do for a living?"
"Oh, ah, she's a teacher," I said.
"What does you dad do?" he asked.
I said, "Nothing."
"What?" he asked.
"My dad doesn't do anything," I said.
"Oh, so he's a stay at home dad?" he asked.
"No, he's more of a... a... a... never mind."
"Okay," he said. "Hey, do you want some buffalo wings?" he asked.
"Did you say buffalo wings!?!"
"Uh, yeah."
"Yes, I do!! Thank you," I said calmly.
So we stopped at KFC. I got buffalo wings and mashed potatoes and a Pepsi. I was in heaven!
"So," he said, "you really, extremely, gigantically, marsupially..."
"Okay," I said, annoyed, "I get it." For some reason I felt like the hula girl's eyes had shifted right towards me. I stared back at her. She seemed to be staring right at me.
"You know, Angie, you're creeping me out. Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm... I'm fine," I said, still staring at the hula girl. Max came on my lap and sat down. "Hello, little Devil," I said, staring into his beady black eyes. "You know, when you get past the dirty fur, boogery nose, and favorite hotel is a sewer, he's kinda cute," I said to the rat.
After that, I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up and saw nothing. We were in the complete middle of nowhere.
"Where are we?" I said, yawning.
"We're almost there," he said. We drove over a bridge that smelled like old cheese. It was brown, creaking, and shaking, and about twenty-seven feet above water.
"Are you sure this bridge can hold us?" I asked nervously.
"Sure it can," he said sarcastically.
"Hey, you said that sarcastically," I said.
"No, I did not," he said.
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"You so did," I said. We were moving slower and suddenly I heard a creak.
"What was that?" I asked nervously.
"You might want to go into crash position, or you might get freaked out," he said.
"Why?" I said with a slight shake in my voice. Now that I looked out the windshield I saw that there was no more bridge! It was merely floating in the air. I could not speak. In fact, I was talking gibberish. It sounded like this: Ooo hi ee ou eeey siack. I sounded like a dying cow/octopus. And then we... dropped so fast I think my heart dropped to my stomach. Then we stopped falling and seemed to be floating in an orange bubble.
"Hey Angie, come on," he said. It looked as if he was going to... jump.
"Ah, I'm allergic to jumping in thirty-foot holes," I said.
"Okay, suit yourself." And he jumped down the hole that was below us.
I stayed still for a couple minutes and then grabbed Max and Tulula and jumped down too. When I jumped down I felt as if I only fell two feet instead of thirty. I dropped down into a nice lobby. It even had a latte machine.
"Are you sure we're in the FBI or Heaven!" I said.
"I'm sure we're in the FBI, because here's my dorm," Jeff said. As he walked into his dorm my jaw dropped.
"This is your dorm," I said in awe.
"Yes," he said in a normal tone.
The dormroom had a 70's feel to it. It had lava lamps all over, a full bar and kitchen. The bathroom had a sauna and a massage table.
"Are you like super-deduper rich or something?" I said in awe again.
"No, I just know the right people," he said. Suddenly the pot on the stove started to sizzle and bubble. "Oh no, my pasta!" he yelled. He leaped like a pole vaulter over to the pot and clamped a top down on it. "Sorry," he said, panting.
"You like to cook?" I asked.
"Sorta," he said shyly. "Well, you're the only one who knows, I like to bake."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's fun. Want to try?" he asked.
"Sure. What are we going to bake?" I asked.
"Um, why don't we start out with something easy, like cake."
"Okay, what do we do first?" I asked.
"Get the milk, eggs, flour, and icing."
"Okay." So I wnet to go get all that stuff. I laid out our ingredients on the counter and we started to cook. First we turned on the stove, and then I said, "Actually, I don't want to."
"What, you don't want to? Okay, fine. What do you want to do?" he said.
"Show me around?" I asked.
TO BE CONTINUED...